Make Mine the Poo-Poo Platter- Now THAT'S a Bad Day!!

Warning: This post may include too much information. If you are sensitive to potty stories, stop reading now. Out of respect for all things good, I will not include any pictures with this post.

So this morning started like any other- the sun came up & Jude began yelling, "Can somebody get me outta my bed?!! It's always more of a demand than a question. He can actually get out of his toddler bed by himself, but he won't until someone opens his door. He then started yelling, "I need to tee-tee." I broke my own rule and let him use my toilet. (This is the one toilet in the house that is mine. I do not use the others in the house because there is always pee on the seat or the lid is up. No one is allowed to use my toilet but me and Clint).  I took off his Pull-up and sat in on the window sill. As I was flushing the toilet, my arm hit the Pull-up, it fell off the window sill right into the toilet during the last flushing suction. It disappeared out of sight.  I reached in my hand. It was gone.

Next, I did what I always do when I don't know what to do- I called Clint. He said it might have gone on down since it was smaller than a diaper and we would be able to tell in a few days (we have a septic tank). I was satisfied with that answer.

A little while later,  I "had to drop some kids off at the pool." I used my toilet. When I flushed it, it filled up to the rim. I knew then that the pull-up was down there stuck somewhere, clogging up the system. I called Clint. Of course, he laughed at me and scolded me saying, "Why did you poop in the toilet knowing that you had just flushed a Pull-up down it?"  I replied,  "I don't know. Maybe because I'm an idiot?"  I used the plunger as instructed- nothing. I said, "It stinks really bad."  Clint replied, "I am sure it does. I have not ever smelled any that didn't."  Comedian. Clint said we would have to call a plumber and he would have to probably unhook the toilet because the pull-up might be stuck where the toilet and pipe meet. So some man I have never met would have to come and see and dig through a toilet bowl full of my poop? And I would have to explain my idiotness to him? How utterly embarrassing!

I then got a plastic cup and began scooping the contents of the toilet into a little bucket. I told Clint I would pour it on his tomato bushes. He did not think that was funny. After carrying out 3 bucketfuls of filth and lots of gagging in between, I was at the bottom.  I was determined not to call a plumber. First, it would be costing our family a needless expense, all because of me. Second, I was determined that some stranger was not going to have to dig around in my poo. I kept this all in mind as I reached my arm up to my elbow into the innards of the toilet. It was then I felt it- the bulging Pull-up, stuck down there, taunting me.

I knew it was time for battle. I called Clint again. He wished me a strong stomach & said, "Be sure to get your phone far away from the toilet." Dang-it- he does know me so well!  I put the phone on the counter & began playing the song "Beautiful Things" as I mentally prepared myself.  I was ready. I took a breath, put on a bandanna, reached down and pulled. It did not move. One of the boys came in to the bathroom to tattle on another. I yelled, "Do not disturb me unless someone is bleeding profusely or the possibility of death is imminent!" I reached my hand in again. I gagged. Bryce came in, "Are you ok?"  Me- "No! I am not. I am digging around in my own poop! Now thank you very much for your concern. Go away!"

I reached in again. I got my pointer finger around the bottom of the pull-up and yanked. It moved a little. I breathed like they tell you to do when you are in labor. I pulled. It moved a little more. After a few minutes of pulling, gagging, & breathing, out came the full Pull-up. I rejoiced & gagged some more. I washed my arm with soap. Then washed it with vinegar for a full two minutes.  I used dish washing soap & scrubbed like I was going into surgery. I think my right arm is a shade lighter than my left because of all the skin I scrubbed of of it.

I called Clint. He was proud of my accomplishment & the money I saved our family.  I have fought the good fight today. I feel as if I can conquer anything- now onto Mount Laundry-More.

Amy