Stupid Mom Moments

Have you ever experienced a Stupid Mom Moment?  You know, one of those moments when you don’t think through a situation entirely and then when you realize your stupidity, it is too late. These are my recent stories:

Like many Stupid Mom stories, this begins with “I took the kids to Wal-Mart.”  I told them they could each get a pool noodle, which is about $1 each. We went and picked out noodles first. Beside the plain noodles were these noodles with faces and tails. The boys loved them and so I looked and the price said $2.88.  I thought, “That is a good deal.”  They picked out their favorites and we tried to stuff them in the buggy. They would not fit. So we let them hang out and tried to walk around the store, which turned out to be a huge problem because we could not fit down the aisles without hitting stuff/shoppers.  We had to go through every food aisle with these giant things. When people went by us, they were hit with noodles or the noodles snagged on their buggies.

Some people look annoyed, some people smiled, and some people gave me a “I am so sorry for you with those giant noodles hanging from your buggy and your kids doing circles in the aisle” look. I finally fixed them so their tails were in the buggy and their faces were beside me where I hold the handle. When we finally got to the check-out, we got behind “that person.” You know that person, the one with the coupons or special checks or no bar codes or something that takes FOREVER!!  After 10 minutes of waiting, we finally get our chance.  She scanned the giant noodles and I gave each of them to the boys to hold. The one plain noodle I got for Bryce wouldn’t scan after 5 attempts and then suddenly I BECAME “that person.”  The cashier asks how much it was. I said, “A dollar something. I know those other ones were $2.88 but I did not get a good look at the plain ones.”  The cashier looked at the ticket and said, “Those noodles were $12.88.” 

“WHAT? 12.88 each?” –me
“That will be $36.00!!!” –Preston chimes in, holding his noodle lovingly

I look and the little boys are riding their noodles and I see little hearts and rainbows floating above their heads. What do I do? We had gone through so much together already, those noodles and I.  But I cannot afford those noodles! A good mom cannot take the noodles without giving them a plain one to take its place. And I am holding up the line!!!! So I say “forget the plain noodle since we don’t know the price. I guess I will keep the other noodles.”

Oh, the pain of that purchase! Then when I got to the car, I realized these noodles will barely fit in the trunk of my van. What was I thinking?? Mega-noodles with faces and tails only being $2.88?!?!? And fitting in my van and we all living happily ever after!?!?!   Stupid Mom Moment!!

This other story is a of a time where I thought through the way something would be in my head and it didn't quite work out that way in real life. A few weeks ago, I went to the Georgia Military College Graduation.  I had to take Jude and Maddox because Clint was at a church manly-man thing with the bigger boys. I did not want to miss it because a good friend was graduating,  and so I took the chance in taking my little tornadoes.  I knew the graduation would be outside so I dressed the boys accordingly. I also knew they would get bored so I went by McDonald's and got them both Happy Meals and figured they would eat and then play with the toys.
Our friends invited us to a seat in the first row, which left the boys lots of room to sit in the grass in front of my chair and play. I thought I had done a good job planning until Maddox huffed and puffed and sneezed a great sneeze. His nose exploded with snot. It was thick and was hanging there, long and thick like clear silly putty. This was not something you could wipe with your hand or the underside of a shirt. I had nothing- not even napkins in the Happy Meal.  Fortunately there was a dad beside me with a baby and I said, “Quick. I need a wipe, PLEASE!”  He came to my rescue and that problem was resolved. And we lived happily ever after at graduation, right? Nope. My boys were not interested in the bluebird that was in their box. Instead, they decided to make a helmet out of their box. Jude stood up and started walking around & running into the other guests with the box over his face. What was I thinking bringing two little human tornadoes to a college graduation?!?!?  Next time, I will find a sitter or bring more napkins and crackers…. or sedatives.  
 

My Resume is Unimpressive

After 13 years of staying home and being a non-paycheck-working mom, I am trying to join the world of the get-a-paycheck-working mom. I have been digging up diplomas and trying to remember and list any accomplishments over the past decade or so. I did lots of important things and was in lots of clubs in high school and college. I directed musicals in my early teaching career.  But as I look back over the past 12 baby-bearing years, there are not too many things I can write on my resume that really seem “important” enough to look good on paper.  I struggle with not being able to put “mom” on my resume.  Why is there not a line for that?  I think I have done some pretty hard, note-worthy things being “just a mom.” 

In fact, there are some things I would LIKE to list on my resume that I feel are pretty darn big accomplishments, but I fear they won’t seem all that important to my prospective employers.

A few Stand-Out Accomplishments:

• Stayed at home with four boys over  a 12 1/2 year span and I am not completely insane
• I can change a diaper with my eyes closed in a matter of seconds
• Wrestled and helped put a calf in my minivan
• Picked up & buried a headless chicken carcass buzzing with big green flies
• Potty trained four boys (one of them was a truly a miracle)
• Carried possums and raccoons in the trunk of my minivan
• Taught my kids Reading, Math, Science, English, Bible, & Social Studies
• Went to war with a family of bats living in my garage and came away victorious
• Plan and organized schedules, food, clothes, & laundry  for a family of 6
• Can herd cows on foot, on a bicycle, or with my van
• Retrieved a Pull-up deeply embedded in a full toilet of poop without calling a plumber

By the world’s standards, my accomplishments are pretty unimportant. Sometimes even by my standards, I see myself the same way.  Am I making my mark on the world? Am I doing great things like they challenged me to do at my graduations?

 “Dream big dreams.”      “Your mountain is waiting, now be on your way.” 

The only mountain I have climbed lately is Mount Laundry, looming large and frightful on my love seat.  The only dream I have had recently is to be by myself in the bathroom without someone coming in to ask me a question or tattle.  The past decade has been full of breast feeding,  cheerios, laundry, dishes, diapers, potty training, endless lists,  supporting Clint’s career with the BHS band, and always some form of poop.

            Normal person- “Hi. So, what have you been up to?”

Me- “Oh, just scrubbed the entire bathroom today because after my kid pooped in the toilet, he thought it would be a good idea to “clean” his poop with the toilet bowl brush and spread it all over the toilet, the lid, and the walls.  So what about you?"

Normal person- Throws up in their mouth a little & runs away yelling, “Gotta get back to work!”

The truth is, when I look at myself and my accomplishments from the world’s standards, they will always fall short. I really don’t mind that I have not been forging my own path & winning awards in a "real" career.  I feel like I have done what God called me to do in this season of my life- raise some boys, love my husband, & teach some teenagers about God's love.  That has been my passion and the career I gladly chose.  Do I look down on others who have had a different career and have had plaques, promotions, and accomplishments? No. I am proud of them and their hard work and the credentials they have earned . I cannot compare my path to the paths of others because we have been called to wonderfully different things.

I saw this quote a few months ago and it is a reminder to me that in this part of my life, I have done, though not always well, what I felt God called me to do.

“The plain fact is that the world does not need more successful people, but it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of every kind. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these qualities have little to do with success as our culture has defined it.” – David Orr

I think I may make a few new lines on my resume for peacemaker, healer, restorer, storyteller, and lover.  I have truly learned a lot during the first "mom years" part my life.  It has been hard, beautiful, fun, difficult, joyous, challenging, wonderful, and adventure-filled. I am a little scared and a lot excited about what God has in store for me in this next leg of the journey. So although my paper resume is pretty unimpressive, on my real life resume, I think I am doing just fine.


Amy

God has not called me to be successful; He has called me to be faithful.

-Mother Teresa