Like many Stupid Mom stories, this begins with “I took the
kids to Wal-Mart.” I told them they
could each get a pool noodle, which is about $1 each. We went and picked out
noodles first. Beside the plain noodles were these noodles with faces and
tails. The boys loved them and so I looked and the price said $2.88. I
thought, “That is a good deal.” They
picked out their favorites and we tried to stuff them in the buggy. They would
not fit. So we let them hang out and tried to walk around the store, which
turned out to be a huge problem because we could not fit down the aisles
without hitting stuff/shoppers. We had
to go through every food aisle with these giant things. When people went by us,
they were hit with noodles or the noodles snagged on their buggies.
Some people
look annoyed, some people smiled, and some people gave me a “I am so sorry for
you with those giant noodles hanging from your buggy and your kids doing
circles in the aisle” look. I finally fixed them so their tails were in the buggy and their faces were beside me where I hold the handle. When we finally got to the check-out, we got behind
“that person.” You know that person, the one with the coupons or special checks
or no bar codes or something that takes FOREVER!! After 10 minutes of waiting, we finally get
our chance. She scanned the giant
noodles and I gave each of them to the boys to hold. The one plain
noodle I got for Bryce wouldn’t scan after 5 attempts and then suddenly I BECAME “that person.” The cashier asks how much it was. I said, “A
dollar something. I know those other ones were $2.88 but I did not get a good
look at the plain ones.” The cashier
looked at the ticket and said, “Those noodles were $12.88.”
“WHAT? 12.88 each?” –me“That will be $36.00!!!” –Preston chimes in, holding his noodle lovingly
I look and the little boys are riding their noodles and I
see little hearts and rainbows floating above their heads. What do I do? We had gone through so much together already, those noodles and I. But I cannot
afford those noodles! A good mom cannot take the noodles without giving them a plain one
to take its place. And I am holding up the line!!!! So I say “forget the plain
noodle since we don’t know the price. I guess I will keep the other noodles.”
Oh, the pain of that
purchase! Then when I got to the car, I realized these noodles will barely fit
in the trunk of my van. What was I thinking?? Mega-noodles with faces and tails only being $2.88?!?!? And fitting in my van and we all living happily ever after!?!?! Stupid Mom Moment!!
This other story is a of a time where I thought through the way something would be in my head and it didn't quite work out that way in real life. A few weeks ago, I went to the Georgia Military College Graduation. I had to take Jude and Maddox because Clint
was at a church manly-man thing with the bigger boys. I did not want to miss it
because a good friend was graduating, and so I took the chance in taking my little tornadoes.
I knew the graduation would be outside
so I dressed the boys accordingly. I also knew they would get bored so I went
by McDonald's and got them both Happy Meals and figured they would eat and then
play with the toys. Our friends invited us to a seat in the first row, which left the boys lots of room to sit in the grass in front of my chair and play. I thought I had done a good job planning until Maddox huffed and puffed and sneezed a great sneeze. His nose exploded with snot. It was thick and was hanging there, long and thick like clear silly putty. This was not something you could wipe with your hand or the underside of a shirt. I had nothing- not even napkins in the Happy Meal. Fortunately there was a dad beside me with a baby and I said, “Quick. I need a wipe, PLEASE!” He came to my rescue and that problem was resolved. And we lived happily ever after at graduation, right? Nope. My boys were not interested in the bluebird that was in their box. Instead, they decided to make a helmet out of their box. Jude stood up and started walking around & running into the other guests with the box over his face. What was I thinking bringing two little human tornadoes to a college graduation?!?!? Next time, I will find a sitter or bring more napkins and crackers…. or sedatives.
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